Roe Updates

Okay, bear with me...this could be a long one.

I just started reading "The Importance of Being Foolish" by Brennan Manning. (The Ragamuffin Gospel, Abba's Child) There are some things in this first chapter that are CHALLENGING ME! Here's an excerpt:

We are satisfied by our decent little life. We are pleased with our good habits; we take them for virtues. We are pleased with our little efforts; we take them for progress. We are proud of our activities; they make us think we are giving ourselves. We are impressed by our influence; we imagine that it will transform lives. We are proud of what we give, though it hides what we withhold. We may even be mistaking a set of coinciding egoisms for real friendship.

The demands of the gospel bring us to the vivid awareness of our weakness and imperfection. They stun us, reduce our overestimation of ourselves, and make us realize how limited we are. This realization- when we allow it to infiltrate our hearts- keeps us from smugness, complacency, and the self-sufficiency that poisons spirituality. God's Word wakes us up to our need...

...If the radical demands of the Christian life are never proposed, if we settle instead for the tepid observance of a lukewarm set of precepts, how easily we become pharisaical and self-righteous. We try to save ourselves by our own works. We never experience the mystery of redemption or loving dependence on God. According to our own invulnerable standards of justice and honor, we are doing quite well at playing Christian.

WOW.

Ouch.

Now, don't get me wrong- I am not saying I'm completely off track or totally and utterly missing the mark, but God is speaking to me through these pages. I can completely identify with the bolded parts in the above paragraph. I still give too much when it's easy for me...whether my time or my treasure. I still need to go to a new place of servanthood...with my friends, family and the people I come in contact with. I still expect too much COMFORT! Serving God is NOT COMFORTABLE! Why don't I expect that instead? I am moved to tears this morning, but they are tears of renewing and purity, not tears of guilt or shame, and that's how I know the Holy Spirit is speaking to me. There's a place the Lord is calling me to, He's drawing my heart, He's reminding me of things- it's eye-opening, embarrassing, raw, beautiful, refreshing, wonderful and compelling. I haven't been "dry" or "tired" lately, I've been growing in my intimacy with Jesus, but He's opening my eyes in a whole new way, and I don't want to miss it- not even a tiny little part.