I liked Erin's post, so I am copying her with a few things I'm liking these days...some just recently, and some for a while!

NATIONAL PUBLIC RADIO

I've been listening to NPR for a while, and it can sometimes be a little bit on the liberal side, but I enjoy the news many mornings while driving to work, and I love, love, love the classical music!

MY UGGS

I absolutely adore my Uggs. I got the white ones for Christmas this year and I picked up the brown ones a few weeks ago. They are one of my favorite things about winter and one reason I am actually dreading the end of winter. (although the warm weather will be nice) They are just so comfy and warm!

LOOSE LEAF TEA

Anyone who has known me for any length of time knows I love my tea, so I couldn't very well leave it out, now could I?

THE BIBLE (AND MY JOURNAL)

God has spoken so clearly and powerfully to me through His Word countless times, and especially these past couple of weeks, it has been amazing to experience what He has been revealing to me through His Word!

OUR GAS FIREPLACE

This is another reason why I will be sad for winter to be over. My favorite time of the day is in the morning when I wake up, get my coffee or tea and go turn on the fire to do my reading. I LOVE it!

READING

Though I haven't been a huge fan of most of the books my professor's assigned, I do love all the reading I am getting to do for my Adolescent Lit class. I love reading and it's been a long time since I've done much "extra" reading, and even though it's classwork, it's been fun to stir up that passion again. :-)

THE OLYMPICS

They end on Sunday night, and Jordan and I have, for the past 6 years, loved watching the summer and winter olympics together when possible. It just amazes me what people are able to do, and I love watching sports of any kind. It is amazing how many different sports/athletic events there are out there, and how hard people have worked. It's an amazing thing.

Ok- so now your turn? What about you?

Thank you, from the bottom of our hearts!

In some ways, this is a difficult post to write, but in many ways, it isn't. As many of you who read this already know, we found out last Friday night that our in vitro cycle was unsuccessful, and much to our disappointment, we are not expecting a baby.

And then as many of you probably do NOT know, also, Friday was my last day teaching at Page Middle. Kind of a long story, but to make it short, I had been asked by the principal to stay through the end of the year, and she had told me that the powers that be were fine with me, a not-yet-fully-licensed teacher, being there. Well, that was not so. A few weeks ago, they put their foot down and forced her to hire another teacher. So as of tomorrow, I will go back to substituting.

So, a lot of change and disappointment in the past couple of days. I could stop there. But you see, I can't...because I serve a God who is so much bigger than our circumstances and sadness. He is so much greater than the sorrow of today, and He brings us the great joys of tomorrow, time and time again.

As Jordan and I sat together on Friday night, not saying much, not really crying, and really just listening to Lord, God met us, as He has before in these past couple of years as we've faced the some of the most difficult things we could imagine. He has filled us with great expectancy for what's ahead, great hope for the future, and great excitement for tomorrow AND today, knowing that with God all things are possible and He will continue to lead us on this great adventure.

I am always reminded of a journal entry I made about 2 and a half years ago during some time with the Lord. I was thinking of all of my "heros" in life: both those I know and those I admire, and I was realizing that the reasons I admired them were not for their successes or amazing talents, rather it was their great faith and determination in the midst of some of the most horrible circumstances: death, poverty, famine, destruction, pain, betrayal, persecution, etc. And I wrote right then and there: "God, if I need to go through the fire in order for my life to be an overwhelming example of Your faithfulness and promise, I am willing to do it. I want to have an amazing testimony for You, so I am willing to go through the tests."

Have I regretted writing that?

Not for a moment!

Sure, the pain is real, sometimes so thick you can grab it and squeeze it. But, in the midst of the deepest pain, I've experienced God in ways I just really can't describe: He is so real, His voice so clear, and His words so life-giving.

I encourage you: no matter what you are facing or what life looks like or you think it will look like for you, do not fear stepping into the unknown because of the potential pain it could cause. God brings about situations we cannot imagine if we truly will trust Him.

He asked us Friday, "Do you believe me." Because we know He is faithful, we were immediately able to answer with confidence, "Yes Lord, we believe." We know not what it looks like at this time, and we are still diligently seeking Him for some clear direction for the next steps, but we are confident in the end result and what the finish line looks like.

So go for it, with all that you have!

(If you would like, click HERE to read my journal entry from Saturday, Feb. 6, the morning after we found out)

Something struck me this morning as I was reading the paper. There was an opinion column directed towards retailers, with the sole intent of letting them know the "Top 5 Pet Peeves" shoppers have with retailers during the holiday shopping season. The article bugged me, because I have a very different view on shopping and retail.

Just follow me on this...

If you are going into a store, whether it's a grocery to get weekly food items, The Gap to purchase a present for someone, Target to get toiletries, Carrabba's to get dinner, or Walgreen's to pick up a prescription, you are purchasing SOMETHING FOR YOU! Yes, that's right...it's food YOU need or want to eat, a gift that YOU want to give someone, or medicine that YOU want to make you feel better. I know that sometimes stores are crowded, I know that sometimes sales people aren't in the best of moods, I know sometimes the price is different than was advertised and that stock sometimes runs out, but come on- WE are the ones walking out of the store with something that we wanted in the first place!

I just really hate the entitlement of American shoppers: the attitude that it is the retailer's or store's job to make it the most pleasant shopping experience possible because we are spending our precious hard-earned money. The truth is, we are getting things to satisfy our desires, wants and needs. No one is forcing you to spend your money. I'm not saying that's a bad thing- we all have needs and wants for things. I am simply saying that we really need to check our hearts as we go about the remainder of this holiday season. Sure the grocery store may be packed, but does it REALLY take that long or mess up your day that much to wait 10 minutes in line. Sure the item you wanted may be no longer on sale or not in stock, and you might have to change your plans for dinner or a gift you were going to give, but again, is it really that big of a deal? Sure the salesperson might be chomping on their gum right in front of you, or they may be flat out rude to you, but again, does it REALLY mess up your day THAT much to have 1 little rude thing said to you...really?!

I just challenge you, as you shopper to have a completely renewed mindset as you shop this year, and go about your daily routines. Please do not go into a store with the attitude that you deserve to be served, and they should act a certain way for you. Please go in with the attitude that YOU want to serve them. Really that's what we're doing anyway. If we don't purchase their products, they don't stay in business. But again, we are the ones walking out with something in our hands. So if you struggle with this, allow the Lord to help you this Christmas season. Don't lose sight in the little things and keep looking for how YOU can be a blessing- everywhere you go!

Just when I begin to think I have it all figured out, things change on me. Yet I realize that even that type of thinking is wrong. Is it really changing, or could it be that it's how it was supposed to be all along? I tend to think of things according to how it all works in MY plan, rather than how it plays out according to God's! From that perspective, things are perfect. Always. From mine, they're all messed up. Every season of my life, I seem to learn more and more what it looks like to not only trust God's perfect timing, but to see it as the only way, and to keep from setting in motion my own idea for the timing of things.

Is it any coincidence that these lessons come primarily through my waiting for children? I think not. It seems to me that if, when we have kids, I begin to craft "plans" in my mind for our children, those will be crushed and altered time and time again. I believe God is strengthening us as parents now, though we do not yet have physical children in our home.

Therefore, this can't even be called a "waiting" time. I want to challenge that mindset. Because in my life, I am truly NOT WAITING! That gives the impression that when that time comes, it will be more important that the one I'm in. Yes, we will physically have the joy, honor, responsibility, and weight of a life in our hands, but if I am now simply waiting, I'm not active- and our lives in Christ are all about activity! My life is anything but waiting. Actually, I have 120 7th graders and a slew of faculty that God is calling me to pour my life into and build relationship with. I have a neighborhood with whom I need to be shining light and make myself available to, and I have a church family to lead and link up with to see the city reached for the King.

If you sense some aggression in my tone, that's exactly what I have. I think part of the enemy's tactic can be to get us focused on a "waiting" time, and we begin to fall back on our heels instead of being forward on the balls of our feet. We get comfortable and inward focused, instead of being poised for a sprint, and I want to be ready to jump at whatever the Lord lays before me. And I am determined that will be, and is my stance!

Our Extraordinary God!

How can I ever feel I fully understand God?

He is so big, so immense & His plans are so much greater and more far-reaching than I could imagine. Reading Romans 11 this morning really makes me stop and think hard about the saving power of Jesus, and God's ultimate plan for salvation of both Jews and Gentiles. In the prodigious chapter of Isaiah 55, verse 10, 11 say "For as the rain comes down, and the snow from heaven, and do not return there, but water the earth and make it bring forth and bud, that it may give seed to the sower and bread to the eater, so shall My word be that goes forth from My mouth; it shall not return to Me void but it shall accomplish what I please, and it shall prosper in the thing for which I sent it." (NKJV) Everything God does has purpose. Everything He says takes root and grows.

I am in awe of the grace of God & His incredible plan of salvation. I am motivated and compelled to seek Him more fully and to share that love with others. And I am more convinced than ever that God has a pwerfect plan for all of our lives. As it says in Jeremiah 29:13, "...and you will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart." (NKJV)

His plan will be accomplished, but that is no excuse for us to sit back and do nothing. No rather, it is fuel for us to fan the flame of the Holy Spirit within us and sieze each day to accomplish His full will and purpose! Let us not miss moments. Let us not miss days. Let us not overlook an opportunity to glorify our unsearchable, magnificent God.

Romans 11:33-36 (NLT)
"Oh how great are God's riches and wisdome adn knowledge! How impossible it is for us to understand his decision and his ways! For who can know the Lord's thoughts? Who knows enough to give Him advice? And who has given Him so much that He needs to pay it back? For everything comes from Him and exists by His power and is intended for His glory. All glory ot Him forever! Amen."

The power of dance

Last night, I saw the most touching, beautiful dance I've ever seen. On So You Think You Can Dance, Melissa & Ade danced a Tyce Diorio contemporary piece about a woman with breast cancer. My grandmother lost her very long battle to breast cancer, my mom has been cancer-free for almost 3 years now, and my good friend Robyn is currently half way through her chemo treatment, and doing beautifully. I have watched them battle it courageously, with honor and standing as a sign and wonder the whole time.

I see this dance through the eyes of a believer, with the male dancer symbolizing God, in all His strength, sovereignty, faithfulness and love and it's beautiful to me.

If you haven't seen it yet, please do watch it and I pray you enjoy it as much as I do.

Are you enslaved?

Throughout my day, I am making a plethora of small choices that all combine to make up the overall purpose of the 16-17 hours I'm awake. We were created for one purpose and our lives are typically defined and remembered by the overall legancy we leave, usually by one or two things that make up our "life's work." But in reality, what truly define our lives are the small choices, the day to day things that we do. Occasionally we may find ourselves given the opportunity that is "once in a lifetime," but most often it is really the small daily decisions that lead us to that opportunity.

And to break it down even further, the choices, determinations, advances and opportunities all begin and are determined by what is going on not around us, but inside of us. I am confronted by this reality as I read Romans 6 today, particualarly the first part of verse 16, in the New Living Translation.

"Don't you realize that you become the slave of whatever you choose to obey?"

Here in America, we embrace our freedom. At least that's what we love to think, but I believe we idolize our freedom and in some ways worship it, which can easily become self worship. (That's another discussion for another time!) My point is, we trumpet the fact that we are free, while in truth, we are all slaves to something.

The word slave certainly has a negative tone in our culture, and understandibly so, considering the grotesque ways some of our ancestors treated others. But when Paul speaks of a "slave" throughout the New Testament, it's actually used positively, due to his understanding of what it means. The Greek word here is "doulous," which is translated as slave, or servant in some versions of the Bible. It means,

"a slave, bondman; one who gives himself up to another's will; devoted to another to the disregard of one's own interests."

According to that last definition, being a slave sounds just like what Jesus told His disciples in Matthew 20:26-28 or Mark 10:45: the point of the Kingdom is serving others!

So in Kingdom speak, to be a slave is not a bad thing, but a good one, provided that to which you are enslaved is from God.

So many of us become enslaved throughout the day to seemingly negligable things, namely, small thoughts, thoughtless conversation or overwhelming frustrations with others and ourselves. Before we know it, the insignificant things have turned into larger ones: depression or severe discouragement about one or more areas of our life, bitterness and unforgiveness towards someone or large secrets and sin. Inevitably, without knowing it, that begins to color our life, and the shades being used to define us are not always what we would have chosen for ourselves: the sunny yellow of joy becomes the muddy brown of confusion, the deep blue of peace becomes the black of depression and discouragement, and the bold red of courage becomes the seething red of bitterness and revenge. Without realizing it, the gorgoues kaleidoscope of color that God has created us to be is turned into a sorrowful portrait, dark and drab. To some we may seem fine but deep down, we know it's not as it should be.

The answer is found in the second part of the verse in Romans 6:16, "You can be a slave to sin, which leads to death, or you can choose to obey God, which leads to righteous living."

My sincere prayer and heart's cry is that God will reveal to me the areas in my life where I am enslaved to sin; It's the small thoughts, the laziness and preference that masquerades as rest, the bitterness I hold onto, hoping to get justification for my insecurities. I want my life to portray the exquisite palette of Jesus: the bright white of righteousness and the gorgeous beauty of all He is!

And because of this, I will choose daily to enslave myself to Him, in areas large and small, and by His grace witness Him paint my life with the hues of His glory!

What does it mean to believe?

We have recently started a new series at church titled "That You May Believe." It's based on the book of John, with the central verse, so to speak, being John 20:30,31

"The disciples saw Jesus do many other miraculous signs in addition to the ones recorded in this book. But these are written so that you may continue to believe that Jesus is the Messiah, the Son of God, and that by believing in Him you will have life by the power of His name."

We talked Sunday about believing Jesus in everything. He is the source! Our text was John 4- the story of the Woman at the well, and the Nobleman's son. We talked about how believing what He says (his words) must come before believing what he shows. (his works) John 4:48 "Will you never believe in me unless you see miraculous signs and wonders?" It's a question Jesus asks the crowd in Capernaum. It's so easy to want proof BEFORE we choose to truly believe something, but he tells us to first believe what he says and THEN we will see the proof of it.

Jordan and I have had a lot going on this year. Many things we never expected, and many things that have been difficult to navigate. We've had many opportunities for our faith to waiver, even completely die, but as I sit here typing this, my faith has not died, but is stronger than it's ever been. We are on the brink of some incredible things, in our city, in our nation, in our world. How can I say that even though news reports and cynics would say otherwise? It's because I believe! I really, truly do! I believe that we are about to see an incredible partnership in the city of Spring Hill b/w pastors and churches, and that it will produce incredible fruit. I believe the same for the greater city of Nashville. And you know what- we are actually starting to SEE a little of it.

God is so faithful! He is amazing! He is working wonders in and around me every day. And I am challenged like never before to believe what He says, and to do the things that He has asked me to do.

Conditional Obedience

Deuteronomy 6:6-9,25 "And you must commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these commands that I am giving you today. Repeat them again and again to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up. Tie them to your hands and wear them on your forehead as reminders. Write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.....For we will be counted as righteous when we obey all the commands the Lord our God has given us."

I've found something in my life, and I've coined the phrase, "conditional obedience." Conditional means "subject to, or depending on a condition or conditions; not absolute; made or allowed on certain terms." Obedience means "dutiful or submissive compliance" The two words are kind of a paradox, but unfortunately, I've noticed it in my life lately.

I say I have a desire to be obedient to the Lord, but how often do my words truly match my actions? If our behavior is a true indication of what we believe, then I must take note of and analyze my behavior to get a true read on my beliefs.

I'm not saying I've been horribly disobedient and selfish, although maybe I have?! I guess it depends on the scale to which I am comparing myself. And aren't we called to hold ourselves up to the measuring stick of righteousness, which is Jesus Christ? I guess if that's my standard, I'm doing pretty poorly!

I'm also reading through the book of Luke, and what we see in Luke is a man in Jesus who was FULLY obedient, moving and saying ONLY what the Father God and the Holy Spirit led Him to. So, coming back to conditional obedience...

There are too many "feelings" in my life. Seriously- "I feel tired." "I feel sad." "I feel happy." "I feel depressed." "I feel upset." There are so many things that can happen throughout a day, that the way we align our thoughts must depend on more than conditions and emotions. The older I get, and the more life I experience, the more and more I realize this. I have heard children complain when they are disciplined for disobedience, "but I didn't know I wasn't supposed to do that," or "you didn't say it like that." God tells us in His word basically that there are no excuses. It is our responsibility to know the scriptures and it is our duty, our command to follow them precisely.

What I love about this passage in Deuteronomy is that is says to me that God knew how many things were going to compete for our attention and brain-space. (Brain space is what I call the amount of information any one of us can store at a given time. For some it's more, for me it's less- haha!) In our culture, there are SO many things competing for our brain space. But that's why God tells us to make His commands a part of daily conversations. Talk about it in the morning and at night, with our children, our friends, our co-workers. Talk about them at Starbuck's, at Publix, at home or at the neighbor's house. Put them on notecards and carry them in your purse, your car, your pocket. He knows we can't read it or hear it once and retain it. In order to be obedient, we must know the commands.

So, what am I commiting to? First of all: to know the commands of the Lord! No excuses. I must read it, pray it, talk it, live it! And second of all: not to be dictated by my emotions or circumstances when it comes to obeying them. I am asking the Holy Spirit to reveal the areas of conditional obedience, and show me how to get rid of them, once and for all!

So today I was on hold with an underwriting company while working and their hold music was none other than "Fields of Gold," by Sting. It brought back a FLOOD of memories! (from college) Isn't it wild how music can do that?! It got me thinking about how music can totally do that, and I started thinking about other songs that bring back memories of times in my life from high school and college- some good, and some not so good, but I was amazed thinking about. So here's a list- definitely not comprehensive, but a sampling of songs from my high school and college years! :-)(in no particular order)Oh, and I don't really vouch for the quality or content of these videos, You Tube was just the easiest way....

Middle & High School:
"Here's to the night" by Eve 6
"The Freshman" by the Verve Pipe
"No Diggity" by Blackstreet
"Un-Break my Heart" by Toni Braxton
"A Long December" by Counting Crows
"Kiss from a Rose" by Seal
"With or Without You" by U2
Anything Dave Matthew's Band :-)

College:
"Champagne High" by Sister Hazel
"Hero" by Enrique Iglesias (totally cheesy- I know!)
"River" by Joni Mitchell
"If You're not the One" by Daniel Bedingfield
"D'yer Maker" by Led Zeppelin
"Babe I'm Gonna Leave you" by Led Zeppelin

This past weekend was a special one. It wasn't because any huge "event" happened, but rather the things the Lord was solidifying in my life. Friday night, Jordan and I got a chance to go out to eat and just talk and share with each other what God's been doing in us, showing us, guiding us in, etc. It was a WONDERFUL time with my husband. Anyone who is married knows those conversations, where you just feel fully and totally CONNECTED! So, we did that, which brought great clarity and peace to my mind in areas I was still a little unsteady in.

Saturday, we had a Women's Gathering and I was helping lead worship for that. The theme was "Walking in a New Way," and Joan Evrist talked about what that looks like for our lives. It was PERFECT for where we are right now in our life. After it was over, I had a small window of time before I needed to be ready for youth group that night, and was asking the Lord what I should do with this time, and seriously, He told me to go buy new shoes.

Now I know some of you may be saying...."what?! Why would God tell you to do something like that?" But you see, for me, it was an outward symbol of the new way God is teaching me to walk my life out, and the new way I am to walk out situations, as well as new perspective on what it looks like to go through difficulties and trials in my life. So, I went to the mall, and into a fairly new shoe store called "Shi." I had a lot of fun with the sales lady, as she was bringing me all these shoes that were a little out of my comfort zone. So finally, I had it narrowed down to two pair. One that was very "me!" Cute, flat, comfortable, basic tan color would go great with jeans, etc. and the other were heels, tall, funky, crazy colors, unlike anything else I have. I wanted to buy the "safe" shoes- I knew it was a "smarter" purchase, but then I said, "I'll take the heels!" That's what it was about- something new, something different. So here they are:

This morning I was reading in Philippians, and chapter 3 has just rocked my socks off! vs 7- "But what things were gain to me, these I have counted loss for Christ." vs 12- "Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hod of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me. Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are begind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead"

Jordan and I are reaching to those things which are ahead. And we're not talking about a baby. It's SO much more than that. We're talking about the heavenly, kingdom vision, we're talking about our intimacy with Jesus, the deepening of that relationship. We're looking for and commited to walking towards the goal of Christ, and what He has- fully & in every area of life!

Before I took the girls to school this morning, I was reading a little, thinking and praying- in some ways asking God when things would get back to "normal." After I dropped them off- I was praying a little more and God just dopped it in my spirit that there is no "back to normal," but I have to press into Him to get my "new normal." Normal isn't a bad thing, and routine can be good- but for me, it's so easy to get locked into it: my days, my mornings, my spending and saving habits, my words, my actions, etc. The events of the last couple weeks have shaken up almost every bit of my "normal" life. I no longer wake up and think about MY morning. I wake up and think about two young girls, and what they need for the day: mentally, spiritually and physically. I no longer think about what it will be like when I am pregnant, but I think about what it will be like as we see God's plan for children continue to be realized in our life. And I no longer focus on different aspects of my life. It's all one! It's all fit & working together, in a big, beautiful, God-purposed way, and it is my NEW Normal!

So it's only been a week since I blogged last- I've been feeling like it must have been two or three. Let's just say it's been a rather long week.

Don't want to go into full details here (not really a huge fan of posting my deepest things on the internet) but I can say that Jordan and I have hit a bit of a wall in our quest to conceive. At least in the natural and in this physical world, it will take a miracle, but God is a God of healing and of miracles, and He is more than able to do whatever He wants to do. This has been an emotional weekend and early week. We currently have a family (mom & 2 teenage girls) staying with us, again, can't go into detail, but that's been heavy- spiritually, physically, and I have needed Him more than ever. But what's amazing, is I've been sensing Him and being strengthened by Him more than ever too. His grace IS enough!

God is faithful! Jordan and I believe it and feel it more strongly than we ever have before. God will be glorified and He is raising us up to be signs and wonders for Him!

Please pray that Jordan and I would hear God clearly as we continue to seek Him on what His path is...whether it's medical, beginning an adoption process now, etc, but we surely feel His tangible presence and peace surrounding us, in every part of our lives!

So, who decided and how did we get to the point that breakfast foods were breakfast foods, lunch foods were lunch foods and dinner foods were dinner foods? If you asked anyone in the United States to guess which meal was what for you the previous day and the choices were bacon and eggs, tuna sandwich with chips and grilled chicken with salad and baked potato, I bet (and I haven't tested this) 9 of 10, if not 10 out of 10 would say the eggs for breakfast, the sandwich for lunch and the chicken for dinner.

I want to know- why is this? My husband has laughed at me before because I have occasionally pulled out last night's leftovers to eat for breakfast, or wanted black beans and rice or something like that. Most people have certainly had the "upside down" dinners with pancakes and sausage or bacon and eggs for dinner, and lunch seems to be the most hodge podged of them all.....b/c if you move it too early, then it's brunch and then anything goes- almost.

Anyway, just a question I've had. I have been bad about eating lunch at a decent hour recently. More days than nought...it rolls around to 2:00 and I'm just plugging away working, when I suddenly realize that my stomach is about to eat itself. Today, I stopped at 12:00 and decided I should go ahead and eat. I'm not your typical sandwich person, it's just boring to me, but our refrigerator is pretty random to say the least (I'm going to the store today) and what I ended up eating was an egg cooked in olive oil, some fresh watermelon and a potato. It was definitely an odd combination but strangely pleasing and satisfying.

So, if anyone happens to know origins of our meals and how they came to be, do please inform me!

Okay, bear with me...this could be a long one.

I just started reading "The Importance of Being Foolish" by Brennan Manning. (The Ragamuffin Gospel, Abba's Child) There are some things in this first chapter that are CHALLENGING ME! Here's an excerpt:

We are satisfied by our decent little life. We are pleased with our good habits; we take them for virtues. We are pleased with our little efforts; we take them for progress. We are proud of our activities; they make us think we are giving ourselves. We are impressed by our influence; we imagine that it will transform lives. We are proud of what we give, though it hides what we withhold. We may even be mistaking a set of coinciding egoisms for real friendship.

The demands of the gospel bring us to the vivid awareness of our weakness and imperfection. They stun us, reduce our overestimation of ourselves, and make us realize how limited we are. This realization- when we allow it to infiltrate our hearts- keeps us from smugness, complacency, and the self-sufficiency that poisons spirituality. God's Word wakes us up to our need...

...If the radical demands of the Christian life are never proposed, if we settle instead for the tepid observance of a lukewarm set of precepts, how easily we become pharisaical and self-righteous. We try to save ourselves by our own works. We never experience the mystery of redemption or loving dependence on God. According to our own invulnerable standards of justice and honor, we are doing quite well at playing Christian.

WOW.

Ouch.

Now, don't get me wrong- I am not saying I'm completely off track or totally and utterly missing the mark, but God is speaking to me through these pages. I can completely identify with the bolded parts in the above paragraph. I still give too much when it's easy for me...whether my time or my treasure. I still need to go to a new place of servanthood...with my friends, family and the people I come in contact with. I still expect too much COMFORT! Serving God is NOT COMFORTABLE! Why don't I expect that instead? I am moved to tears this morning, but they are tears of renewing and purity, not tears of guilt or shame, and that's how I know the Holy Spirit is speaking to me. There's a place the Lord is calling me to, He's drawing my heart, He's reminding me of things- it's eye-opening, embarrassing, raw, beautiful, refreshing, wonderful and compelling. I haven't been "dry" or "tired" lately, I've been growing in my intimacy with Jesus, but He's opening my eyes in a whole new way, and I don't want to miss it- not even a tiny little part.

So bear with me as I kind of piece together a couple of things I read this morning in scripture...it's some pretty cool stuff!

First off, I read Psalm 138:8 "The Lord will perfect that which concerns me; Your mercy, O Lord, endures forever; do not forsake the work of Your hands." That has always been a favorite of mine. There is so much assurance in there!

And then I was reading in Acts 13, and came across verse 41, "Behold, you despisers, marvel and perish! For I work a work in your days, a work which you will by no means believe, though one were to declare it to you." Sounds kind of harsh, doesn't it? I thought...I like the one in Psalms better, but here's what I started thinking about.

The verse in Psalms is so encouraging- to all of us! We are all experiencing one or several things in our lives that we just have to trust God for. Whether it's moving, changing jobs or financial situations, (big one for us right now) dealing with a difficult relationship, the loss of a loved one, infertility stuff (another big one for us) or trusting Him for a healthy pregnancy (for our little niece Hopie) there's always something. God says in that verse that not only will He bring something to completion, but He'll PERFECT it. He doesn't do things half-heartedly or leave things unfinished like I do sometimes. He finishes it, and He does it perfectly.

Now in Acts, this is Paul speaking to the Jews in Antioch, and cautioning them against turning their backs on Jesus as the Messiah. That's why the language is pretty harsh. Paul didn't beat around the bush- He told it like it was! But he cautions them not to miss what God is doing. "God is working," he says, "but you can't see it. You can't believe it even though it's in broad daylight, right in front of you."

So it made me think, what other things in my life am I missing? Things that God wants to do? Sure, I'm believing Him for a baby and to heal my infertility, and we're trusting Him for finances for this next season, but what else? What things in my heart, or in my relationships is He wanting to work on, and I may be missing? Because what's neat is that God is so faithful, when we're willing to recognize the things He is doing, He's faithful to complete it to perfection.

I just really enjoyed reading these things this morning,and thought you might as well. Happy Friday!!

The Lord is my strength, give thanks to the Lord, the Lord is on my side, the Lord answered me, the Lord is for me, I called on the Lord, the Lord helped me, trust in the Lord, the Lord is my song, this is the day the Lord has made...

All of this is in Psalm 118, a song of praise to God for His everlasting mercy! How can we not praise the Lord? Do we have testimonies of what the Lord has done in our lives? Do we focus on the bad and the things that have not yet been,or do we focus on the things to come and what He has already done?

My favorite verse in this chapter is vs. 17, "I shall not die, but live, and declare the works of the Lord!"

When I read that this morning, I pictured a person- tired, broken and beat from the battle, victorious but weak and worn, declaring with all the strength they have left, 'I shall not die but live and I will, with all that is in me, declare the awesome works of the Lord to everyone around!"

If we never went through battles & trials in our lives, would we really have the chance to see who God is and all that He can do for us? I want to be one who stares defeat in the face and declares the power of life over the power of death & darkness because of my Lord!

Sorry for the lack of posting! Jordan and I have been quite busy lately....at least busy enough not to be able to take time out to post. I am trying to figure out what would be the most interesting thing to post, and I'm honestly not sure. Sometimes I don't think my life is really that interesting to other people...don't get me wrong, it sure is to me. I love my life, but anyway....I think you get the point.

I am really enjoying a book my sister in law, Erin gave me at Christmas. It's called "Having a Mary Spirit" by Joanna Wagner, and I am really enjoying it. It deals with many things that we all deal with, but specifically women and just the performance mentality, comparisons, lack of self-worth, etc....and is a wonderful and refreshing book. God is really using it to refresh me in a beautiful way. I'll let you know when I'm finished.

Speaking of books, the first book I read this year was "Driven by Eternity" by John Bevere. INCREDIBLE! I recommend this book to ANYONE. It rocked my perspective and my thinking and helps us get in the right mindset about our assignments from God. If you are looking for a good book to read- get this one. I promise you won't be disappointed. I'm really enjoying the application each of these books provides for my life. I love to read, and always have, but as I get older what matters most is that I am truly able to apply the things I've read, which I know is God's heart for all of us: to be "lifelong learners."

Well, I could go on and on, but I digress....

Have a wonderful day. We're getting some small flurries here in TN!

Just got back from an amazing evening. A family who is a fairly new one to Jordan and me, but already dear to our hearts, has experienced a very big loss. Marcy Hayes, wife of Mark and mother of Hank (7) and Isaac (almost 2) passed away on Sunday afternoon after battling cervical cancer for three years.

My mind is still spinning with events of today, and my heart rejoicing for the way in which God was glorified, so I don't feel like writing much, only to say: it is incredible to see already the fruits of someone's life the way I've seen tonight. And it's amazing and simply miraculous to see a husband walking in the kind of peace, love and joy as Mark Hayes is walking in. I TREASURE the days and many memories ahead of us with this precious family.

May God be glorified through my life even a small bit of how He has been glorified through Marcy's death.

He truly is King of Kings and Lord of Lords!

We've got a new look for 2008! Here we are, 2nd day of the new year, and what a year it's going to be. I am extremely excited for this year. I truly believe that it will be a BIG year in terms of what God wants to do in our city, in our neighborhood, in relationships, physically, in families, and many, many more. I am full of expectancy as we enter January. God is moved by our faith- so what are you believing for? Are there things that God is stirring in your heart, things you've wished or hoped for? God puts desires in our hearts and as our hearts are continuously more aligned with His, our desires become His and we see His will accomplished in and through our lives. I'm expecting to hear great things from all of you and excited to begin this new season!